when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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