DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
