$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
