He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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