Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
