Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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