i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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