I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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