Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
