If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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