Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
