I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
