Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
