i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
