Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
