i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
