I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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