i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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