I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
