how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
