We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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