Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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