the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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