Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
