I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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