You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
