I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your penis caused this!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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