We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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