hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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