We got so high we made milksteak
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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