What did we do last night that was yellow?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i need some magic done to my vagina
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
