i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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