remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am spending my child support on dildos
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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