Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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