my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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