omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
