sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
