She announced her abortion via fbk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
