where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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