New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
