i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
