Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
