Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
