**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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