My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
