I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
