Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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