mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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