I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
