So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think i have two assholes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
