I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
