dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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