My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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