dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i now understand why vodka
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
