doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i already hear my dad disowning me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
