The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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